With a Smile on the Phone

Here folks, is another song that have become a bittersweet part of my life.
Before, I love this song just for the sheer impact of its message. The positive outlook that the composer and artist wants the listeners to hear and bring into their lives.

The song used to inspire and only elicit pleasant emotions... a feeling of hope, courage, and strength that somehow you'll make it through whatever it is that makes you feel that hell is a lot preferable than your present.

Then one day... someone, someone who've become very special maybe because of the song or despite of it; did something to me quite out of the ordinary. Something that would raise anyone's sense of romanticism, even if they, by nature are not romantic by heart. What did he do?
He sung the song to me over the phone.

Since then the song took on a new meaning. Bring about a new sense of hope and courage. A new anchor. A sense of security that someone, or so I thought, would be there for me no matter what. But then, he never really said that he love me and so he left. Left me with my heart hanging on the steep cliff of emotional high. Then letting it drop like worthless pieces of clay that had cease to become useful, leaving me alone to pick up and make do with the shattered pieces.

Ironically, despite the bittersweet association, the song have still made me get by with that smile that the composer and artist talk about-- though this time, tears smeared the otherwise hopeful smile.

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
You can't win at everything but you can try.
Baby, you don't have to worry
'Coz there ain't no need to hurry
No one ever said that there's an easy way
When they're closing all their doors
And they don't want you anymore
This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway.
Girl I'll stay through the bad times
Even if I have to fetch you everyday
I'll get by if you smile
You can never be too happy in this life.
In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
And don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.
(Too doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo...)
In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
But don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.
Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
Now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye
(Too doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo)

Songs of Inspiration

Below are two songs that resonate in my heart throughout my school days and even during those times when work is especially difficult. Along with books, songs have become one of my sources of strength and wisdom.

My Way
Frank Sinatra

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
Ill state my case, of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life that’s full.
I’ve traveled each and evry highway;
And more, much more than this,I did it my way.
Regrets, I’ve had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to doAnd saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this, I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that; And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me, I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -And did it my way!

I Made It through the Rain
Barry Manilow

We dreamers have our ways;
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive
We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives
Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years
I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respectedBy the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through
When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel alone
That's when i knew
I could finally say...
Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade
'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

Nursing a broken heart

So why do we all need to fall in love just to get our hearts broken?
Who was it that says that we all need to experience pain just so we can enjoy the depths of joy?
And why is life so contradictory?
Black and white, night and day, ying-yang, good or bad, pain and pleasure, etc.

We'll I don't really know. That's the very reason I am asking.

As for my broken heart. Time will fix it.

The thing is, I learn not to nurse a broken heart. The more you tend to it, the more it bleeds.

If your heart breaks, let it be.

The pain dulls over time and the heart learns how to keep itself strong.

Love hurts, love wounds... as the famous song says... but the pain is all worth it.

The Dance Before the Reckless Tumble

Dance? What dance? I don't know how to dance! A well, maybe enough to pass myself up some PE subjects.
But why am I talking about dancing?
We'll if you know how to get my drift ... then hopefully you will drift with me and follow me towards the abyss.

A short while ago I was talking to a friend about being torn between the devil and the deep blue sea. He asked what did I mean by it but as confuse as the mind the reels aimlessly, I, could not elaborate.

But which is which? The devil or the deep sea.
Actually there never was a struggle between the two. I would always prefer the devil anytime. The sea is out of the question since I wouldn't really know how to navigate the depths of the blue.

And the choice is always easy, the devil as they say always appear in Piolo's image and Brad Pitt's physique, bwahahahaha.
The problem is when the Devil himself will chose the sea over me... :(

My Love Affair With Innodata

Just finish looking at pics of my friends back there in Innodata. A lot of these people mean so much to me and seeing them so happy and enjoying their sportsfest makes me smile and laugh at their wacky poses. I've been with Innodata for four years. Four years of happy and instructive memories. These people have been a part of all those memories--whether they know it or not. Seeing them nudge me back down to memory lane. A memory of the best love affair I have had in my life. Hmmm... sounds juicy? Ahh, actually it's not what you might think.

Innodata was the one and only company i fell in love with. I guess you can call it love at first sight... if there is such a feeling for industries one work with. My first experience with the company, was when I applied for and Indexer/Abstractor (IA) for the company back in the year 2000. The reason for choosing Innodata among the many selection of an HR positions available during that time? Their job advertisement. It says " We pay you to read on the job" and they did!

In Innodata Cebu I read like I never read in my life. It never ceases to amaze me how much I get to know through all the various articles I aome across everyday. In fact, it's only then that I learned that Coca Cola which is a close neighbor for as long as I live is not first owned by San Miguel but some Australian company. The facts and rhetorics I've read everyday was really amazing.

But what amazed me more as I go to work everyday was the realization that there's a lot of us there, graduates. Young professionals that otherwise would not have been working if we were to stick to looking for some clerical jobs after graduation. There was just not enough office jobs to accommodate all the college graduates every year. That was when I realized how much the city owed to the company, especially that back then the starting salary of an IA was 100 or so above the minimum wage. Wasn't that amazing when you can't get that kind of salary working in your field as an inexperienced graduate?

It was then that I believe I choose to fall in love. Fall in love with Innodata. We'll if its not yet apparent to you, I am afflicted with the disease common to all idealist out there--the hero syndrome. Being young, that affliction was very strong then. So, I made it somehow a personal mission to give all back to the company what they have given to my classmates, schoolmates, batchmates and everyone in between.

I believe I work harder that anyone then, studying specs until the wee hours of the morning just to make sure I won't make any stupid mistakes. To my mind, since I cannot do everything I might as well do what I can as perfectly as possible in accordance with what the client wants. If the client is happy more work come our way and more work means less unemployed graduate. To me, the equation is as simple as that.

My hardwork and dedication payed off. I was made trainer for new IAs in just four months after joining the team. I was very happy. Why not, I am rewarded. My dedication and attention to quality was recognized. Unfortunately for me, I seem to surpass their qualifications. I was transferred to QA for our project which according to them needs the kind of work behavior and job knowledge that I seem to have better than anyone in the team. I said unfortunate since, looking for errors and finding mistakes is not among my strongest suit. Needless to say, I resigned in Innodata Cebu 2 hours after I started my new assignment in the hope that I could still go back to being an IA, not QA for IA.

But that's now how my love affair with Innodata ended. After 2 years, they had transferred all its project in Innodata Mandue. And like a long lost love, I never wasted a moment to submit application for another IA job.

And there it all happens. In Mandaue that is. Like all love affairs go. First you get to experience all the good things, just like the things I've experienced with Innodata Cebu. Then when reality tries to set in and muddle the rose colored atmosphere you and your love created things begin to become a little bit harder.

Things in Mandaue was not a little harder, it was downright difficult. For one, I did not found much kindred spirit in Mandaue as I had in Cebu. The people I found there was another breed of young professionals. Confident, hyper, and so into the world. Very different from the silent, mellow book loving crowd I had met in Cebu. Just the same, I fell for this crowd. For one, their enthusiasm and energy is quite contagious.

But like any relationship that doesn't sync in from the beginning, it falls apart before things went much deeper and meaningful. The differences are just too vast to bridge the small yet essential issues of working together. That might had ended up quite poorly, but the insights I've got from that one experience was priceless.

Just like some lost love... Innodata was the lover that had given me so much but had also taken everything I had to offer. And like a former love... those days when you actually find yourself loving the one that you are more because of what you become at their side made you long to be with their presence; but, the memories of pain that are present in any colorful love affair, made you balk at the idea of going back to the folds of your lover's arm once again.

In the greater scheme of things, however, what I have become because of Innodata--the wonderful journey of becoming in Innodata's fold--far outways any pain that I had suffered. In fact, pain is all a part of those wonderful romance, that I when given another opportunity would willingly embrace again.