Pray--er

I never am a religious type of person. I don't go to church regularly. I pray yes, usually everyday. But praying with other people, that's something i really am not good at. I

I can still remember when i was still a child... around 8 or 9 years old. I used to pray before going to bed. I pray in front of our altar, kneeling down. One time, i went home late after watching a variety show during one of our fiesta-related nightly entertainment. So after closing the door, i readily do my usual prayer ritual in front of the altar. I kneel down and utter a silent prayer. Halfway through my prayers, i heard my sister say laughingly, "hey what are you doing there?" I don't understand, but right that moment i felt my hair stand and my blood rushed to my face because of embarrasment. Because the lampara then only gives a very dim light, i failed to see my sister who is sleeping right below the altar. Ever since that night, i never am really comfortable making the sign of the cross in public.

That incident was further reenforced, not so long after that incident, when i came across a Bible passage talking about praying in the silence of one's own room and shying away from being like those hypocrites who prays inside synagogues so that others may appreciate what they do.

Since then i always prefer to have my prayers at the privacy of my thoughts. It even went to the extreme of me feeling ashamed if somebody sees me make the sign of the cross inside the church. Quite sick right? We'll I really can't help if the hairs on my nape and arms would stand everytime i felt someone looking at me while i made the sign of the cross. I always reacted that way, until one time i have consciously return to that one night incident via a simple chitchat with a teacher friend.

Slowly, after that chat i again started to feel normally when doing my sign of the cross in public. However, even after the conscious realization of the cause of that not so normal reaction, i always shied away from leading a prayer. No one really can forced me to lead even a simple prayer of thanksgiving before eating. Even in the classroom, i can always find reason not to lead the prayer before the class started. I do pray, but never aloud.

But things happen. Without us even realizing it, the right time and moment will come and you are forced to face your fears. I never thought the day would come that i would lead a prayer with other people in attendance. And what a time it is. My first prayer was made with a corporate CEO.

We'll, God really knows how to give you a nice moment. Making sure that your first try--after a long time--of uttering His name in public will surely be well attended.